Anjie

Almost four years ago, I received the worst call in my life thus far, it was from the radiologist that had done my biopsy and said, "I'm sorry Anjalee, it's bad news, you have breast cancer." I was stunned, in complete shock like never before. I was sad, angry, hurt, I cried. I ached for me, for the innocent Anj who is about to undergo a life-change she cannot comprehend. Cancer is a bitch - and that day, and the days that followed I lost any sense of self worth. And for that- I want to apologize, to write a letter to “old” Anjalee: 

Dearest Anjalee,
You have cancer. You're going to need lots of medical care, countless doctor visits, nine surgeries and many moments of weakness. I’m not going to lie, the next few years are going to be tough, You are going on a journey that will test your limits of physical, spiritual, and emotional integrity. You will turn inward at the same time as turning outward. You are alone, yet the community that surrounds you will become your savior, and your strength.

You will lose your innocence but will gain wisdom and strength you never knew you had. The many hurdles you will have will test you, giving you more empathy and compassion than you ever thought possible.
But, you WILL survive this, I promise. In fact, not only will you survive, but you will thrive. This will take courage and effort, but you already know that - you are one courageous woman, a woman who is not afraid of hard work, of learning. In fact, you have always overcome obstacles in  your life, that you’ll have even more of “let’s do this!” mentality. 

And then when you think you've experienced it all, cancer will continue to be a part of your life. Just being finished with treatments will not mean you are healed. Your scars won't be the only constant reminder of your cancer. Your body will be beaten up. You'll be forced to listen to your body as you continue to battle the side-effects of your treatment - broken bones, memory loss, weight gain, and you thought losing your hair was the toughest part. 

You will change, life will never be the same, yet you will be a better person because of this. Remind yourself of this often. You like change, you thrive on change, see this as an opportunity to evolve. I have faith in you, as do hundreds of others. Don't forget this. Find the joy in this journey. Find the goodness, the generosity, the gratitude, let this move you forward, not take you back.

I love you, Anj. Turn inward, find the power within, it's there. A life's worth of lessons will be handed to you this year and in the years to come, gather them, hold them gently, they are yours forever.

Love you with all my heart,
Anj